And if I got the University teaching job, I know they'd want bang for the buck, so they'd saddle me with a lot of beginning theory classes to teach and/or tuba students, and I'd have little time to compose music, the reason I would have gotten the teaching job in the first place. But I'm making so little money now, and debt looms. I'm an idiot, because if I had a different brain, these kinds of thoughts wouldn't bother me, I'd just go ahead and get the job and move ahead. I hate to sound negative, but all this does make me feel like a loser, a guy who has wasted his potential, etc. etc., instead of going ahead.

By the way, I liked your description of the weather, taking the mundane and seeing it through your lens at that particular moment.