February 8, 2008
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Step Stool or Ottoman?
I’m one of the two. Maybe only partly. But I tend to let people walk all over me. . . . . . . . . . Ok, not walk all over me . . I’m not a doormat . . but a stepstool/ottman. People rest their legs on me. Use me for their own greater good. And every so often (like today for instance) I wonder why I don’t stick up for myself more. I’m a pleaser. Nothing pleases me more than to make someones job easier . . or make someones day brighter. Does that make me a pushover? . . . . I’m not quite sure. Case in point . . . today. I wake up in my usual state (bright, awake, ready to face the day . . . and late). My co-worker (with whom I’m . . friends with. Not “hang out all the time and call each other on the weekends” type of friends . . . but “text each other every so often, and maybe go out once every 6 months” type of friends) is also late. Side note. . . we get along pretty well . . . and truthfully . . . I think work would really suck without her. (yes. . . suck is a technical term.) But personality wise . . we are VERY different. And sometimes . . she takes advantage of my ‘pleaser’ nature. So . . back to her waking up late: C woke up late and texts me saying she’ll be late to work . . . and I respond with my usual “haha ok!
are you still gonna run for bux?” I get a “maybe, depends on how quick I can get N to school” (her son). I respond “hey sure! no problem, whatever works for you.” She comes into the office around 10, and I go to open the door for her (since she’s carrying our coffee). . . and she says “Jesus H Christ will you stop with the damned smiley faces . . I mean . . UUUGHH”. *blink* 
ooookay. I just laugh at her . . obviously sleeping in is something she shouldn’t do on a regular basis. She proceeded to take her bad mood out on me for the next hour or so. Now . . we are co-workers. I know how this works. I know how people perceive me. I’m different. . (I like it that way). . . but people take me the completely wrong way. . especially when I stick up for myself. It generally works out like this for me.
When I’m in the wrong:
“Meredith . . what you said really bugged me . . it really bothered me . . and I think you need to apologize.”OR
When I’m the one that was offended:
“Meredith, you really hurt so-n-so’s feelings when you said you were offended. You shouldn’t be offended by that. . you need to get over it and go apologize.”How does that work? Why I am I always the one to back down? Why am I always the one to bring the peace offering.
But here I am with C. She’s in a bad mood . . .she’s taking it out on me. And here I am biting my lip because I know if I say something . . . it might start shit. and the last thing I want is our working relationship strained. We are partners . . . we are really the only two (aside from our boss) in this department . . and everything we do is based off of one another. so I bend. again. and again.
Am I in the wrong? am I crazy? anyone have any thoughts?
Comments (3)
That’s tough because you have to work with that person.
If it were me, I’d wouldn’t apologize for anything. But I tend to be more of the type whom holds grudes. That’s not good either. I think a happy medium is in order. Like you can play oblivious and ask what crawled up her ass that morning (in more pleasant terms, of course).
i’m a people pleaser too, and i don’t like to rock the boat. that being said, since you have to work with her AND she inappropriately took frustration out on you, i think you could do something. maybe waiting until things are calm and saying “the other day i was a little uncomfortable with what you said to me in the morning….”
i’d probably chicken out or forget, myself, so really this is me giving advice i don’t always follow.
i hope this work situation doesn’t happen too often!
I don’t think the problem was so much what she said but how she said it. I also find it difficult telling people when they’re doing something that bugs me but when I do try to find a nice way to put it and expect that they do the same. If someone took the time to do this, I feel like they had thought about it, cared enough to be respectful and it’s not a reflection of our relationship. If they didn’t and it might bother me for a little while.
But to be criticized for what you said? I can understand being criticizing for how but not what you say because it’s honesty (unless upon reflection or more information you change your opinion).