I'm one of the two.  Maybe only partly.  But I tend to let people walk all over me.    . .   . . .   . . . .  Ok, not walk all over me . . I'm not a doormat . .  but a stepstool/ottman.  People rest their legs on me. Use me for their own greater good.  And every so often (like today for instance) I wonder why I don't stick up for myself more.  I'm a pleaser.  Nothing pleases me more than to make someones job easier . . or make someones day brighter.  Does that make me a pushover?  . . . . I'm not quite sure.  Case in point . . . today.  I wake up in my usual state (bright, awake, ready to face the day . . . and late).  My co-worker (with whom I'm . . friends with.  Not "hang out all the time and call each other on the weekends" type of friends . . . but "text each other every so often, and maybe go out once every 6 months" type of friends) is also late.  Side note. . . we get along pretty well . . . and truthfully . . . I think work would really suck without her.  (yes. . . suck is a technical term.)  But personality wise . . we are VERY different.  And sometimes . . she takes advantage of my 'pleaser' nature.  So . . back to her waking up late: C woke up late and texts me saying she'll be late to work . . . and I respond with my usual "haha ok! are you still gonna run for bux?"  I get a "maybe, depends on how quick I can get N to school" (her son).  I respond "hey sure! no problem, whatever works for you."  She comes into the office around 10, and I go to open the door for her (since she's carrying our coffee). . . and she says "Jesus H Christ will you stop with the damned smiley faces . . I mean . . UUUGHH".  *blink*  ooookay.  I just laugh at her . . obviously sleeping in is something she shouldn't do on a regular basis.  She proceeded to take her bad mood out on me for the next hour or so.

Now . . we are co-workers.  I know how this works. I know how people perceive me.  I'm different. . (I like it that way). . . but people take me the completely wrong way. . especially when I stick up for myself.  It generally works out like this for me. 

When I'm in the wrong:
"Meredith . . what you said really bugged me . . it really bothered me . . and I think you need to apologize."

OR

When I'm the one that was offended:
"Meredith, you really hurt so-n-so's feelings when you said you were offended.  You shouldn't be offended by that. . you need to get over it and go apologize." 

How does that work?  Why I am I always the one to back down?  Why am I always the one to bring the peace offering. 

But here I am with C.  She's in a bad mood . . .she's taking it out on me.  And here I am biting my lip because I  know if I say something . . . it might start shit.  and the last thing I want is our working relationship strained.  We are partners . . . we are really the only two (aside from our boss) in this department . . and everything we do is based off of one another.  so I bend.  again.  and again. 

Am I in the wrong?  am I crazy?  anyone have any thoughts?

Tally

*  Vases on Mantle.  Pulled off, chipped, not broken.

*  African Violet pot.  Completely shattered.

*  Large white/blue lamp w/ wood base.  Pulled off nightstand. . large hole in the back. . off kilter on the base.

*  Drinking glass. . . pulled off nightstand, completely shattered.

*  Dinner Plate. . . NO IDEA, completely shattered.

*  Plastic drinking cup (with remenents of bright red juice) . . pulled OUT of sink (??), bounced on floor, bright
          red juice splattered ALL OVER KITCHEN. 

I have destructors in my house.  (see photoblog below.)

Do not be deceived by the innocent appearance.

Now that January is almost over, I figure I should probably get myself in order.  So below is a list of goals for myself . . . to be accomplished this year.   To the point that I'm actually going to schedule a deadline for these tasks . . . I figure if I set a deadline, they'll actually get done!  So these really aren't resolutions . . . more like tasks. 

1.  Complete remaining design tasks for house:
    *  Paint Mirror.  It took me all of last year to tape it off. *lol*  Maybe I should actually paint it now!
    *  Re-finish side table 'find'.  Needs a good cleaning, stripping and re-staining.  A lovely dark mahogany I think.  Yum.
    *  Paint living room.  Pick between 3 paint choices. . . verify if scheme will work the way I want it to, and get it done.  Will be a bit of a project. . . might need to take some vacation to accomplish this task!
    *  Re-upholster dining room chairs.  Already have the fabric!

~ to be completed by the end of March 31, 2008!

2.  Weight Loss:
    *  This is an on-going task  . . . but I'm yet again setting goals!
    *  40 lbs gone by 30th Birthday.  (oy)
    *  40 more lbs by August. 

** yes. . . these are pretty steep goals.  It will take a LOT of hard work.  BUT . . .it's about time I buckled down and really did what I set out to do.  I've made a couple of good starts, and I've gotten myself a good leg up on the journey . . but now I need to complete it!


3.  Music:
    *  to take at least 5 auditions before June, 2008. (or as many as are available)
    *  tailor practice schedule to fit in the most practice possible (w/o stressing myself completely out!)



Ok so that sounds pretty good for now.    I'm sure I'll tack onto that before the year is out! 

So I felt the need to share two of my favorite haunts on the net. 

BEAUTIFUL photography and just an amazing story.  I'd suggest going all the way back to the beginning. 

not to mention stylehive and stylebakery.  But thats for another day. 

*  www.jodianderson.com

    how I adore thee.  I once told you that I was mesmerized by your world . . . where it was shades of black, grey,  and white .. with random splashes of color.  I am so glad to find that this is still the case.  You never cease to leave me wistful.  

*  books

    how I miss thee.  I used to greedily eat you up, page by page.  I have not opened a cover for quite some time.  I am lonely without you.

* organization

    I have never fully grasped you, but I make it my mission.  This weekend so far is a failure.  Thankfully . . I still have one more day.  

*  photography

    I used to be creative.  I used to carry my trusty camera wherever I went.  I have folders upon folders of forgotten material.  Why do I not pick you up more often?  I’m sorry I neglect you.  I will fix that.

*  www.anthropologie.com

    I heart thee.  I want to spend all my money with you.  Your mod-vintage clothing, your vintage accessories.  You must help me to not be addicted to your pages.  

*  my new kittehs

    I needed hearts beating in the apartment again.  You bring new life . . . and quite a bit of destruction.  I forgive you immediately.  You snuggle with me, talk to me, and remind me that life is SO much more than just making it day to day.  (see photoblog below).  

*  sleep

    I shall be heading that way now.

*  coffee

    I have missed you.  I will reunite w/ you in the morning. 

Happy New Year everyone!

New year . . . fresh beginnings . . . it's the time to tailor my schedule again.  And Xanga will be part of it!  (maybe not every day . . but randomly here and there)   

I have 2 new additions to my life.

George and Ira (of the Gerswhin fame).  They're both 6 months old (brothers) and full of life and energy (and insanity!!) 

Welcome to the family boys!  You are an absolute delight to me. 

George - the Polydactyl Kitters

Ira - the regular-toed lovey dovey boy

Brothers (cat sculpture!) hehe  See the extra toesies on Georges front feeties??

Ahhhh Thanksgiving.  Time of gluttony.  How I love 'ye mashed potatoes. 

course I make them.  With 1/2 cup of butter. 

my thighs are screaming in agony. . .

my tastebuds are screaming with delight. 

If I get hit with lightning . . . will I lose my ability to taste?  . . . I don't know if I want to experiment.

Still in a turkey coma . . . back at another time. .

~Mere

Sharing: 

Found a delightful blog today that is not in the Xanga community.  (TRAITOR)  S'ok . . I can take it.    But really . . . if you haven't heard or read her . . . please do so.   She's quite enjoyable. 

Dooce

Venting: 

Why????  whywhywhywhy.  The average height of a normal average female is (and has been) going up.  Being 6'1 . . I am on the taller side . . but I am definitely not one of the tallest! 

So why is it that most major shoe companies only make up to size 10 or 11 in womens?  (that's size 42 'cross the pond). 

Why? 

Now you think . . . major designers deal with models on a day to day basis.  (hell. . . an hour to hour basis).  And most of them are the same height as me.  (IF NOT TALLER).  And I can GUARANTEE you that they are not wandering around wearing size sevens. 

So WHY Steve Madden do you only make up to a size 10?  WHY sketchers do your (supposedly) insanely comfortable tennis shoes only go up to size 11 (in rare cases).  Why, when I search for Jimmy Choo size 12 . . does Google LAUGH AT ME. 

GREAT BIG GUFFAWS. 

(shutup Google). 

Hello Designers!!!  Word to the wise. . . . us tall women WILL come after you with our Payless (Styleless) knockoffs and pummel you to death.  We promise.   I wear size 12 medium. 

Thank you.

I first posted this in 2005.  It popped into my mind recently . . . and I found it while poking back through time.    Every once and awhile . . . I have a moment.  This was one of those. 

MY DRIVE HOME

The day was beautiful . . .
golden sun lay it's warmth like a blanket over the afternoon.  Humidity
thickened the air, giving a hint of the rain to come.  Leaves moved
gently with the wind, adding a soft sparkle.  The sing-song of birds
joined the soft fluttering of the leaves, and thunder purred in the
distance, a promise of the oncoming storm. 

I drove home, windows open,
breathing in the heavy air, relishing in the smell of cut grass mingled
with humidity and hot pavement.  As I drove, the air grew thicker, and
everything seemed to prepare for the oncoming storm.  The grass seemed
to stretch up to the sky, waiting for the silver nectar that would
nourish it.  People and animals scurried about, putting away lawnmowers
and lawn furniture, finding nuts and running for home, the robins on
the ground, awaiting the worms that would rise to the surface in
anticipation. 

Finally lightning slashed the
sky, sizzling through the darkening atmosphere.  The large thunderheads
labored above, lazily blocking out inch by inch of sunshine.  Thunder
cracked, smashing through the peace of the afternoon.  The thunderheads
swelled overhead, threatening to burst at any moment, and a quiet stole
over the woods and the fields, awaiting the impending storm.  I rolled
up my windows just as the first splashes of rain pelted my windsheild. 
The skies opened, and the clouds let loose their life giving serum, as
I sped home across the slickening roads.  My windshield wipers beat
fast across the glass, trying to slash at the never ending downpour
that fell in a crystal torrent over my car.  As the rain fell, I could
see the sun forcing its way through the pregnant clouds, peircing the
dull grey with radient gold.  It highlighted the grass, so yearning for
the nutrients, but being weighed down by the delivery.  The golden
beams pushed harder, and slowly the blackness retreated, leaving
multi-colored clouds in the sky, backlight by sunfire.  Liquid gold
dripped from the trees, and pooled on the ground, giving the world a
reflective quality.  I opened my windows again, only to meet a cool
breeze, and the fragrant smell of freshly fallen rain.  The fresh, yet
musky smell filled my head, and lifted my spirits, as my tires spit
across the wet pavement.  Slowly, tendrils of steam began to rise off
the pavement, caressing my car as I passed by, giving the moisture back
into the air.  The cool air touched the pavement, and whispered to the
newly fallen rain, coaxingthe now warm gift of the sky back towards its
home.  Soon, I drove through a fairy tale, and I waited for a glimpse
of a unicorn through the silken mist.  The birds began their roll call
as the mist rolled off the pavement, enveloping my car, invading my
space, surrounding me.  It was hot and heavy, and I breathed it in,
letting it fill my lungs, spreading a warmth through me despite the
cool bite in the air. 

Now I sit here, giving
you all a small slice of my day.  My windows are open, and the air is
even cooler . . . a small breeze will blow through, telling me to
change into something warmer.  I just can't seem to bring myself to do
that.  I almost enjoy the feel of the cold air whispering around me,
teasing me with the threat of goosebumps.  I'll enjoy sleeping tonight.